Today I woke up, and it took a few minutes to process what had happened. It was one of those "did I have a nightmare?" moments. I have a bad cold right now, so I was coughing a lot this morning. Ava asked me if I was alright, and I said that I was okay, just sick. And she asked, "is the baby sick too?" I told her no, the baby wasn't sick. I brought her to school, and then spent the morning cleaning and watching TV.

When I picked her up from school, I took her to Walgreens, and as we were getting out of the car she said, "do you have a baby in your belly?" She asks me that all the time. I told her that I didn't have a baby in there anymore, and she said, "so now you can hold me?" I said yes, and told her that I hoped we would have a baby in my belly again really soon. And she said, "for me?" So, that ends the issue of what we should tell Ava. I'm glad she didn't ask anymore questions.

Miscarriages are very common - I know or 5 people personally who have had them and they all have children. It's just something you think only happens to other people, but never expect it will happen to you - until it does.

I am a "rip the band-aid off fast" kind of person, so I sent an email to some friends and family last night. I received some very comforting emails and texts back. I don't want this to drag on for weeks, so I wanted everyone to know at once. The hardest part is that my body doesn't seem to want to let it go. I have not had a single miscarriage symptom - no spotting, bleeding, or cramping. Today I took a pregnancy test - and it came back positive. I want it to let it go, and have it be done and over with. Sitting here and waiting for it to happen is going to drive me crazy. Not to mention, the longer this goes one, the longer it will be before we can try again. According to the ultrasound doctor, the baby was around 8 weeks gestation. Today would have been the 15th week of my pregnancy. So for almost 8 weeks I have been walking around with a miscarriage and not knowing it. How much longer will it be??

The one thing that comforts me is knowing that my womb is so healthy that it is still trying to take care of this baby. It doesn't want to let it go. It still thinks I'm pregnant. Being around Ava makes me feel better and lets me concentrate on other things. I feel so lucky to have her.